Heimiran Heresies: the Order of the Blessed Poor

In the year X.488 the heir to the Dragonfall, a man named Bede, stripped his fine silken tunic off and sold it in the marketplace. His brother, Penda Longsword, was horrified and his father disowned him. Bede claimed he'd had a vision from Heimir himself, and left Rickton to found a monastery in the wild. For three years he was fed only by the grace of the birds and the badgers, and he preached a radical, new, heretical branch of Heimiran doctrine. Thus began the Order of the Blessed Poor.

Bede the Beneficent was roundly condemned by the nobles of Agstowe. Even his own brother, Penda, when he became Erl, ordered him arrested. But the common folk spirited him out of Agstowe after the "Night of Embers" when he led them to burn the grand Metropolitan Temple in Longlaird. He was given shelter in the abbey of Heimirsted in Cymballar before the Convocation of the Abbots Major condemned his sect.

It was too late. Bede was put to death by the Hierians for grave crimes against the Faiths, but the Blessed Poor had taken hold.

Heimirsted was the center of this contagion, producing many mendicant monks who spoke against the unequal ways of the world. By fire and sword, they sought to introduce universal equality, universal justice, and universal poverty. There are still Bands of Peace out there, fighting for Heimir, allied from time to time with Eleians and Hashtemites. Local abbots of Heimir may be more or less tolerant of the Blessed Poor, depending on their own temperaments.

Other kits in this order: Poor Poets, Champions

REQUIREMENTS: Wisdom 12, Charisma 10
PRIME REQ: Wisdom
ALIGNMENT: CG
WEAPONS: Staff, club, sling, knife, spear, hand axe, arming sword, short bow
MAJOR SPHERES: All, Chaos, Creation, Healing, Travelers, Combat, Charm, War
MINOR SPHERES: Animal, Guardian, Plant, Protection, Wards
REQ. PROFS: Religion
BONUS PROFS: Brewing, Herbalism
VOW OF POVERTY: The priests of the blessed poor are forbidden from owning productive property, however they may purchase property in order to communalize it. The priest must dispose of all liquid wealth every 6 months for the good of the poor, keeping no more than 10gp for food. A Priest of the Blessed Poor is permitted a small number of magical items as per a Paladin. The priest may not own any armor heavier than hide. The priest may otherwise own personal arms, armor, and equipment. Priests of the Blessed Poor may select any proficiency at normal cost, as though they belonged to the appropriate class. In addition, Priests of the Blessed Poor gain thief skills as though they were bards, following the bardic progression table. They also have the ability to persuade crowds of common folk as though they were bards.

At 1st level, a Priest of the Blessed Poor may purify food or drink one time per day in addition to any other spells prayed for. Food purified this way will taste hearty and be quite filling, while drinks become a thick mead or stout ale. In this way, a small amount of trail rations or food can be made to last twice as long as normally would if this spell is cast every day upon it.

At 3rd level, the Priest gains supernatural protection. Heimir will grant Priests of the Blessed Poor barkskin 1/week in addition to any other spells prayed for.

At 5th level, a Priest of the Blessed Poor may brew semi-magical brews as per a Mystic of equivalent level (refer to Faiths and Avatars).

At 7th level, Priests of the blessed Poor may exude courage, happiness, friendship, hate, or hope (as per the 4th level wizard spell Emotion) while speaking. These continue to remain in effect as long as the Brother does nothing other than speak.

At 10th level, a Priest of the Blessed Poor may affect anyone who has eaten a piece of food or drink of liquor given to them by that brother with a suggestion spell. The target must have eaten or drunk something granted to him by the Brother within the last round for him to be a susceptible target.

At 15th level, Priests of the Blessed Poor become immune to any ingested poison. Likewise, they can subsist on mere crumbs of bread and sips of dew, though such a life is not very pleasant. Finally, a Brother of this level may create a sanctuary by spending one hour defining its borders. Within a sanctuary, all rolls to recover HP naturally are made at maximum (ie, 4hp/night) and all proficiency checks receive a +1 bonus. All saves also receive a +2 bonus while the characters remain in the sanctuary. A sanctuary may not cover more ground than 10 sq feet/level, and a Brother may only define one sanctuary at a time. Upon defining a new sanctuary, the old one is lost.

Saint Sidgwick of Wilderlund

Born to an elvish father and an Auregniac peasant mother, Sidgwick was a curly-haired half-elf raised as a child-oblate of the Heimiran house of Joy's Rest at the western edge of the Wilderlund. He was a bubbly, laughing child, and the older brothers knew that the grace of Heimir was upon him from a very early age.

Sidgwick displayed a number of minor miracles in his youth, once healing the leg of one of the house's dray-beasts, a donkey called Immanuelus by touch—a clear sign of divine favor. The beast followed him ever after, and became useless as a pack animal for the monastery, preferring to sit outside of Sidgwick's cell as the growing brother read deeply of the philosophy of the ancients.

When he reached his majority, Sidgwick spoke with Abbot Aleharding and they determined that the best course was for Sidgwick to put his inclinations into action. "You will never be able to spread so much happiness here, secluded in our retreat, as you will if you go out into the world." And so Sidgwick chose a destination, and a goal: the old abandoned monastic house of Monkshome, beyond the Aelfwater Lake, at the very fringes of civilized lands.

On his journey there, he met with the nascent Swords of Stock, then calling themselves Fenrus' Very Best, an adventuring company out of the little town of Stock in the shadow of Tyreth Castle. He traveled with them, testing his youthful exuberance against goblins, orcs, and other monstrous creatures. Sadly, his journey was cut short by his death, while exploring the Tomb of General Tullius Antoninus near at hand to Tyreth.

Sidgwick's passing has been mourned at Joy's Rest, and Abbot Aleharding ordered him canonized in the following year. The other nearby abbots agreed, and once the ruins of Monkshome were restored, they were consecrated in his honor.

Though his death is very recent, already shrines venerating him as a servant of Heimir can be found springing up in the north of Craftsman's Reach, where he brought joy and delight. Indeed, Monkshome has been rechristened Saint Sidgwick's, and has been preparing a brew based on Sidgwick's own, which is certain to become a regional favorite.

Pantheon Monday: Heimir, the Laughing

Is this a thing? Am I crazy? Either way, here's a god for you.

HEIMIR

(the Joyful, the Drunken, the Laughing)

Lesser God, CG

Portfolio: Hospitality, alcohol, jests

Aliases: None

Domain Name: The Beergarden, Ysgard

Superior: None

Allies: Aros, Eleia, Haparos, Raya, Salan

Foes: Halor, Rhamna, Taelii, Tyros

Symbol: A beer barrel

Worshiper Alignment: Any

Heimir (HIGH-meer) is the patron of hospitality and alcohol. He is something of a trickster, and has a long list mythological exploits that including befuddling and fooling the other gods. The patron of brewing and alcohol, all taverns and inns include at least a token icon of the god somewhere on their grounds. Few would dare to whip up a batch of ale without first giving the proper praises to Heimir to bless the endeavor.

Heimir is often depicted as an enormously fat man wearing the brown habit of his order and a belt of golden rope. His most famous adventure, in which he rode a beer-barrel out of Valingas upon the waters of life, provides his most beloved depiction; Heimir on the Barrel is often what his statues, paintings, and cult idols display. Of course, that’s hardly all there is to the Joyful God. He is also known for the Fool’s Feast, when he and Aros played Haeron to sleep in order to steal his power for a fortnight and make changes for the good to all of Arunë, walking amongst the people and slaying enemies in the Seventh Age.

Heimir’s joys and lusts are vast, and he represents the pleasant side of drink. It is Salan, his demigod servant, who takes the form of the dangerous frenzy of release. Heimir is often worshipped along with Vaela and Fortuna as part of the “travelers trio,” as his task is not only brewing ale but making sure that travelers are given a place to stay upon the road. Invoking the name of Heimir against a miserly home-owner who refuses hospitality is known to lay upon that house a curse.

The Church

Clergy: Brothers of Heimir only

Clergy’s Alignment: CG, NG, CN

Turn Undead: No

Command Undead: No

The Brotherhood of Heimir is the only organization that belongs to the Laughing God. They are without exception male monks who take holy orders to live a life devoted to his worship. They have no central hierarchy save for the secret Hymns of Heimir, which are part canonical law and part recipe-book. Brothers are supposed to remain celibate (though they do not always, and Heimir sometimes forgives the infraction) and devoted to the sacred arts of the brewhouse. Bee-keeping, the tending of herb gardens, and writing are all important skills for Brothers to cultivate in order to produce the life-affirming ales, meads, and liquors of their Drunken Lord.

Brothers gather in communities of anywhere between twenty and five hundred monks, forming taverns (which ubiquitously use the Sign of the Frothing Mug) or monasteries where they may retreat from the grievances of the world to perfect the sacred arts. Each tavern or monastery is independent from the rest, though theology tends to differ little between them. The Hymns of Heimir are shared amongst them all, and there have strangely been no alterations or textual corruptions in any Heimirian holy-place. This is often attributed to the good graces of Heimir himself.

At the top of any Heimiran organization is the Abbot, followed by his humorless brethren the Brother Purser and the Brother Lictor who control money and obedience respectively. Abbots, true to their roots, are also Brothers Quartermaster all and must account for the food and drink of the monks in their care. Every Heimiran house also has a Brother Brewmaster, a Brother Hopsman, and a Brother Herbalist (who may or may not have the training of a medicus as well).

Of course, Heimirans do not always stick to their sacred places. There are a fair number of wandering Brothers who seek to bring the light of the Joyful God to the people, rather than wait for the people to come to their sanctuaries. These men are welcomed with glee at every Heimiran outpost, for their feet tread the hard and lonely path of the world armed only with a handle of ale.

Dogma: Brothers of Heimir who maintain houses are encouraged to stay away from the corrupting influences of the world. Those who wander amongst the roadways are told to prepare a secret place within themselves that will be untouched by the sadness they encounter. In either case, all Brothers believe in the healing powers of laughter, good food, and good drink. No Heimiran will ever turn anyone away from their door—this has actually developed into the semi-official doctrine of Heimiran Sanctuary in which a fleeing criminal may enter and hide in a Heimiran house without fear of seizure.

Day-to-Day Activities: Heimirans spend their days in worship, meditation, brewing, and the preparation of brewing manuscripts. They serve travelers, operate inns and taverns, and grow their own beer-making implements.

Holy Days/Important Ceremonies: The Feast of Fools is the most important holy day in the Heimran calendar; it is celebrated on the 10th of Greening each year. Like Raya’s Libernian Festival, the Feast of Fools is a celebration of freedom. However, unlike that festival, the Feast of Fools celebrates divine disorder.

Wandering Brother of Heimir

(Specialty Priest)

REQUIREMENTS: Wisdom 9, must be male

PRIME REQ: Wisdom

ALIGNMENT: CG, NG

WEAPONS: Staff, club, sling, knife

MAJOR SPHERES: All, Chaos, Creation, Healing, Protection, Travelers, Wards

MINOR SPHERES: Animal, Charm, Guardian, Plant

MAGICAL ITEMS: As normal priests, but they are unable to use armor of any kind.

REQ. PROFS: Religion

BONUS PROFS: Brewing, Herbalism

At first level, a Brother of Heimir may purify food or drink one time per day in addition to any other spells prayed for. Food purified this way will taste hearty and be quite filling, while drinks become a thick mead or stout ale. In this way, a small amount of trail rations or food can be made to last twice as long as normally would if this spell is cast every day upon it.

In addition, priests of Heimir gain thief skills as though they were bards, following the bardic progression table.

At 3rd level, the Brother gains the power to spread infectious and riotous laughter; by laughing with an enemy, the Brother may cause them to begin laughing themselves, uncontrollably. They may save vs. spell (with wisdom bonus) to resist this power. If they fail, they continue to laugh for as long as the Heimiran laughs; the effect lingers for 1d3 rounds after he stops.

At 5th level, a Brother of Heimir may brew semi-magical brews as per a Mystic of equivalent level (refer to Faiths and Avatars).

At 7th level, Brothers of Heimir may exude any positive emotion (as per the 4th level wizard spell Emotion) while talking, singing, or jesting. These continue to remain in effect as long as the Brother does nothing other than speak.

At 10th level, a Brother of Heimir may affect anyone who has eaten a piece of food or drink of liquor given to them by that brother with a suggestion spell. The target must have eaten or drunk something granted to him by the Brother within the last round for him to be a susceptible target.

At 15th level, Brothers of Heimir become immune to any ingested poison. Likewise, they can subsist on mere crumbs of bread and sips of dew, thought such a life is not very pleasant. Finally, a Brother of this level may create a sanctuary by spending one hour defining its borders. Within a sanctuary, all rolls to recover HP naturally are made at maximum (ie, 4hp/night) and all proficiency checks receive a +1 bonus. All saves also receive a +2 bonus while the characters remain in the sanctuary. A sanctuary may not cover more ground than 10 sq feet/level, and a Brother may only define one sanctuary at a time. Upon defining a new sanctuary, the old one is lost.

The Ale-connors of Heimir

Heimir was originally an Eylic god, mostly worshiped in Old Middlemark and the Anarean basin with some tendrils of culture extending through the Skinchanger Kingdoms that would eventually become a powerfully devoted cult. Interaction with the Thegnari and Eyls spread his worship to the Empire during its Second period and Heimir (Heimirus in Varan) is now amongst the gods that the imperials consider to be their own, having long integrated him into their pantheon and forgotten the ancient days before his introduction.

The monks of Heimir are inevitably male; unlike the other gods, Heimir accepts no women into his sacred orders. Indeed, Heimiran monks only worship in one of two forms: wandering, or cloistered. There are no regular priests or clerics of the God of Beer that do not follow one of those two rules. He has no temples outside the monasteries, and his monks are forbidden from all manner of activities, not least of which is marriage and having children.

Monks of Heimir concentrate their daily labors on two things. The first is, of course, providing hospitality to strangers. No Heimiran monastery, inn, ale-house, or other establishment will turn away someone who needs a roof over their head. The second, and more time consuming, is following the ancient brewing recipes of their houses and making the beers which are sacred and pleasing to the Laughing God.